I have realized that these things exist that emotions are real. That people do wax and wane in them. While dealing with the emotion factory ive slowly realized i might feel just not on par with how others display or describe. When i think of the death of someone i was fond of i feel loss. Not sadness per say but loss sometimes anger mixed in. So theres 2 feeling if they are as what you describe.
The feeling of loss or having something missing.
When i do something our current society deems wrong i only regret the lost opportunity of what i had planned.
When my ex wife fucked other men- anger ( pretty upset i had been dooped haha)
When i get a raise. Lack of loss and not angry. Just nothing.
I thought my simple wants mattered. My innocent sense of whats taboo. What can and cant be accepted i embraced that empty and it made it clear to me that we only truly feel when we feel nothing.that the absence of feeling is feeling .. RIGHT?. So i chased it. I crave it. No lust for it. If i were a dog id be ravid and barking as if starving and looking at a fresh meal.
But i have self control as well. Cuz they still breath dont they?