It was first a 1 time event during the best feeling of hallowedness i had ever felt. I desired the pain so much i wanted the sting of life. Ive chased this mindset willingly to be honest ive craved the taboo, wanted so wholly to enjoy the blackness that lingered and this time i had it. I felt what i chased and was consumed by it. As i dragged the joint one more time i pulled my sleeve up to my elbow and stuck the end into my arm twisting with pleasure as it slightly licked my skin. The emptyness swallowed the feeling whole and i wanted so much more. Now perhaps its habbit but i still chase the feeling.. the spectator.